Tuesday, January 5

Precious.

I can't believe I'm going to say this but I really miss the feel; sitting in the lecture hall while listening to the professors giving their theoretical lessons with additional life lessons learned from their own experiences. Precious.

I'm such a nerd by heart. I think I better end up being an academic or something related. devoted myself with lotsa paper studies and whatnot. but yeah, it's not like what it looks like. because to be one, you have to go through the whole process from the bottom, starting from bellow. you can't just be there at the front stage, standing behind the podium bragging bout your so-called researches or 'inherited' knowledge. you need to be there and bring the audience to 'be there' with you. that's the whole point of it. that's the idea of being an academic. you want people to appreciate your hard work, not for you but for the sake of inspiring the future academic somewhere among the crowd.

you want to contribute. you want to give something beneficial before leaving the world for good.

I don't know mahn. why did I ever say about being an academic? I guess it's just my nerdy self speaking so pardon me.

well to be honest, I was trying to think of other profession to disengage myself from the society but at the same time I also want to contribute and give something beneficial before leaving the world for good (mind you. I didn't copy & paste this sentence but I actually wrote it, word by word). as I grew up, I slowly lose the faith in human. hence, the idea of being an academic:

although you have no idea what kinda people/audience listening to your talk, there's a little hope at the corner of your heart spared for the possible non-existent; the people you can put your trust with. you wish, you just wish, they'll be there to relive your soul into the entities you have your faith in;

your paper studies and your life lessons stories.