Saturday, April 15

no one but your own self.

It was in the last October. The weather was so cold on that day ‘cause it’s been pouring heavily since dawn. That was the day that I thought I wouldn’t be able to see the sunbeams strike upon my cheeks radiating from the slits of the blind before my windowpane. That was the day that I first tasted my own blood, gushing from my old wound like Niagara Falls, while trying hard to restrain myself from pain. Last time I remembered, I could only scream my lungs out in silent manner; my lips were pursed, ergo my attempt to reach for help was totally in vain.

In the wake of the moment, I could feel myself blanketed in warm arms with a voice that kept whispering: “Don’t worry. I’ll be here as long as you want, as long as you want me to stay.”

That was the most comforting juncture I’d ever been in life. I had not a single care of the world albeit of the painful wound that bled from a tender scratch.

“Pardon me for asking but do enlighten me if you may. Did you stitch this wound before?”

I nodded in wonder. How could he possibly know? I already did my best in hiding everything ‘bout this wound. The scar wasn’t even visible and the fact that I took a good care of every single thing in the process of healing this wound made me doubt myself to bits.  

“Not that I see it through the wound but I can see it through your eyes. Crystal clear eyes.”

No one ever noticed but him. Though there were times that I felt that I was like an open book but people refused to read me. There were also times I could somewhat feel that people could read my mind when I was in my lowest point of life.

“You’re fragile, aren’t you?”

Before I shook my head in denial, my chin had been drawn up and down by his bare hand.

“Now listen to me. People can hurt you; they can even let you down. They only see you based on what they want to see. They can’t stand looking at you being all bright and wise so they decide to make you feel bad about yourself. Therefore, don’t burden yourself with negativity. Grow thick skin. I know you’re better than this ‘cause I know you’re stronger, and clever. Hold on to whatever makes you happy. In rainy days, the Sun would completely vanish but that won’t stop it from going out and exuding its positive vibes, right? Did I say that clear?”

He was actually my inner self. Someone who will always be there for me whenever I’m on the verge of breaking down with one finger left dangling from the edge of the cliff.

I took a deep breath before I expelled the air, unperturbed.

Crystal,” I replied.